I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
