we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
