Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
