and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
