So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
