Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
