Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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