He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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