I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
