Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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