If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
