So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
