I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
