She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
