All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
