I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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