she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
