They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
