I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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