half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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