he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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