Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
