when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
