guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
