you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
