Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
