wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
