He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This is my gift to your gina
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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