how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
