already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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