Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
