i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
