I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
