I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
