Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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