Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We are two peas in an std pod
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
