I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
