remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
