im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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