getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
