My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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