the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
