Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
