Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
