she looked like the before picture.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
