he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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