Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
