it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
