I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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