you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
