What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
