I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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