I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
