My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
