I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
