Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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